A 3-Step Approach
by Barry Moniak
Build a Better Relationship with Fear
Fear isn't your enemy—it's a powerful force that can either propel you forward or hold you back. The difference lies not in avoiding fear, but in how you choose to engage with it. Those who succeed don't do so because they never feel afraid; they succeed because they've developed a meaningful relationship with their fear.
Step 1: Face the Fear
Most people don't break under pressure because they're weak—they break because they never trained for the moment fear arrives. When you attempt to avoid fear, you paradoxically walk straight into its path. Nervous energy causes fumbles. Hesitation kills the sale, the deal, the momentum.
​
Fear makes you reactive when you need to be precise. That's why the first step isn't eliminating fear—it's turning toward it directly. Fear is your gatekeeper, testing your resolve and commitment. When you acknowledge its presence instead of pretending it isn't there, you've already taken the most crucial step.
​
Remember: Fear doesn't mean you're off-track. It often signals you're exactly where you need to be, at the edge of growth and opportunity.
Step 2: Embrace the Fear
Once you've faced your fear, the next step is to embrace it completely. This means understanding a counterintuitive truth: courage doesn't come before action—it emerges after you've taken the first step.
​
Fear isn't something to overcome before moving forward; it's the companion that walks alongside you as you progress. By embracing fear as a natural part of any meaningful pursuit, you transform its energy. Instead of letting fear paralyze you with indecision, you can channel that same energy into focused action.
​
The test isn't whether you feel afraid—it's whether you stay at the table despite the fear. While nervous people back down, you can choose to step in precisely when others step back. This is where the game is won—in those pivotal moments of decision.
Step 3: Befriend the Fear
The final step transforms your relationship with fear completely—you learn to welcome it as an ally. When properly harnessed, fear becomes your early warning system, a signal that you're pushing boundaries and creating new possibilities.
​
Like a fighter training for the ring, you can train your mind to expect fear and work with it rather than against it. When fear arrives, you recognize it as a sign that you're fully engaged in something that matters. You welcome it. Then you punch through.
​
The most profound insight about fear is that it doesn't slow you down - indecision does. You can't steer a parked car. Once you commit and befriend your fear, you press forward with clarity and purpose. Don't fidget with the wheel when the car's already in motion.
​
By following these three steps—facing, embracing, and befriending your fear—you transform from someone controlled by fear into someone who uses fear as fuel. The choice is yours: drive forward or stall out.